Today is making me think of many different things. My very favorite student, “S” came back to school with mom, and we told her I won’t be back next. We’ve become very close. It sort of hit me hard. Not sure if “S” really gets it yet (only 8 years old), but I will miss her so much (as all of the students, but “S” is special).
Starting this Wednesday there are only 26 school days left. We start an ABC countdown. That’s scary because there is so much to do before I leave and feel that I won’t get it all done. I know, some people will say “who cares, you got cut, not your job after you leave”, but I still feel responsible.
Today at school was another good day. No MC and SL actually leaves us alone when MC is not there. After school I went to a small town-hall rally to support schools and funding. It was outside at SEHS. My friend, “J”, spoke, and spoke wonderfully. They were probably hoping for a bigger turnout, but it was nice to see that families that attended and care out their children’s education.
I then went over to #5’s game. I wasn’t dressed right, so I left. It really needs to get warmer and stay warmer.
On the subject of #5, I’m feeling very frustrated and helpless as his mom. There were many a day when he was attached to my hip and only wanted or needed me. And now, these days, he is growing up too fast and I feel like we’ve lost a little part of our connection. I am very grateful and happy about the relationship he has with his father, but still feel as if I am losing my little boy who is now a teenager and maybe that is all I should chalk this up to. It just makes me feel sad that when I see him at the field, he seems to be embarrassed that I am actually there to watch him. I know they are all like that, but hey, it’s my blog and my feelings and I am entitled to them.
The school thing is equally as frustrating. I am so afraid for his education, it scares me. #5 can roll out of bed and get B’s, but chooses not to. I do not know how to make him understand how important school is now and in the future. Maybe because I was the same way and was never interested in school and did not go to college and I just want more for him. I’m the classic example of “if I could do it all over again, things would be different”. Part of me wishes he wasn’t so dedicated to baseball, because maybe then he’d work harder at school. He doesn’t quite get it yet that no grades, means no baseball, especially in college. I’m hoping that is just immaturity and that he will get it real soon (like next year).
Well, this probably depressed you enough, if anyone is actually reading this, but it sure makes me feel better. As they say "this too will pass".
So today's picture is one of my favorites of #5, when he totally needed and wanted his mommy!!!!!!!
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